Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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