Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
