Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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