Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
