It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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