There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
