He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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