I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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