i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
