If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize