it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
