It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
