worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
