and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize