I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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