So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Your dad touched me again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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