taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
