I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
