why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize