Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
