the condom got lost in my hair
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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