ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
