I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.