Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
