I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
