So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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