she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
