I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
PANTIES FOUND
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