He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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