I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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