i jhust puked up my retainher.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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