giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
