Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
