i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
