Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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