You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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