I met the friendliest cop last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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