I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
