I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
