Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
