Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
