Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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