I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
