You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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