a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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