We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
