My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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