Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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