R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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