i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
