He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
