He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
