just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
