My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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