All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
