wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
