I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
