even my farts smell like vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
