All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
