my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
