Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its not stalking. its research.

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(585): View more from New York

even my farts smell like vagina

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(360): View more from Washington

I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.

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(713): View more from Texas

If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(313): View more from Michigan

First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina

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(269): View more from Michigan

It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.

(1-269): View more from Michigan

I just wanted to decorate you...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!

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