i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
