matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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