Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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