Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
