Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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