I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
